I have no excuses because I have been on lecture recess for the entire week. I stand before you (when I say stand I mean sit, at my desk) and vow (when I say vow I mean type, on my keyboard) to post every day (when I say every day I mean less sporadically).
More seriously, part of my aim of the blog is to find my writing voice or to develop and strengthen it. I think that writing with a certain air of abandon will help with this because I will have less time for self-consciousness.
Aim stated. Now...GO.
Yesterday I went to the movies with my lovely uni friend, Grier. You can visit her place and find out how lovely and enthusiastic and talented she is for yourselves. I have no intention of monopolizing her.
After the movie Grier and I had a rather wide-ranging and interesting conversation. We covered the usual uni-related stuff but we also delved into family, religion, future career and life aspirations, potential children's names..all in the space of about 2 hours.
Unlike me, Grier is studying journalism because she wants to BE a journalist..how weird is that?! I have little doubt she will be a raging success.
She is fantastic at engaging with people when she speaks to them. There is nothing fake about her, from her interest in other people to her enthusiasm and integrity. I think that makes people trust her and feel comfortable with her. You get a real sense of her no-bullshit nature when you speak to her and it can be quite disarming but makes her very easy to talk to, perhaps even share secrets with (look out future interviewees of Grier!).
This isn't an ode to Grier..well it wasn't supposed to be! In talking to her I find that, on one level, it is really easy to forget that she is only 19 years old because of her maturity. Our connection and not our age is what matters. And then, on another level, I might calculate that she was born in 1990 (!) and I will be blown away by the fact that I am ten years older than her. TEN years. And yet here we are in quite similar places in our lives in some significant ways.
Both beginning to contemplate life beyond uni, her single, me only very recently not.
What the hell did I do with that ten years?!
Was it a complete waste?
I do have moments when I think it was. But I know that is not true because I would not be the person I am today without the passing of every single one of those days. Probably most particularly the really shitty ones.
Yes, in that ten years I had life experiences. But doesn't that just translate as a failed attempt at a nursing degree, a failed relationship and moving back in with my parents with my tail between my legs (as well as many many hazy memories of episodes of drunkeness and other self-destructive behaviour)?
Twenties = Failure?
In certain terms yes, failure has been a running theme of my twenties. But then how do you define failure? If you learn a lesson from something then, no matter how disastrous or miserable or ugly, doesn't that experience have value?
I very much hope, and on my good days do think, that learning has also been a running theme of my twenties.
The person I was when I was Grier's age - oh I wish I had been as together as she is but alas, I was not! - is vastly different to the person I am now, at 29. Thank golly gosh and goodness! I would not be her again for anything. And I speak about nineteen year old me as if that wasn't actually me because that's how different I feel I am now.
Everyones journey is different and that is ok. Simply learning that lesson from the last ten years has been valuable. And while time is linear, the individual life experiences of people is not. Life would be a very shallow and sparse thing if it was simply measured by the line of its passing from birth to death.
What gives it meaning and richness and beauty is the ugly, the meaty, the wonderful experiences we adorn the lines of our time with.
A waste? Not in the least. Obviously you've taken a lot of knowledge with you along the way to 29. And that last bit... very true.
ReplyDeleteGreat insight here! And it can be really easy to be hard on ourselves when we compare ourselves to others. That's the tricky part. Recognizing that everyone's line IS different and that one person's success does not mean another's failure (necessarily).
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've learned a lot!
Em
I've got to that point at 22 (born '87) that any time I meet someone born in the 90's, I gasp. It's so weird, I know sometimes it's only 4 years between us but it seems strange. Although sometime I feel I have more in common with people who have just left school rather than just left uni like I have. Maybe I need to grow up! xo
ReplyDeleteNice work miss p! I'm glad you were able to take our conversation and turn all those negatives into positives! Hmm..so if being a journo doesn't work out, maybe I'll consider becoming a shrink, or motivational speaker?! haha =-)
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm a 1990 kid, so a little better than what you were expecting!